A 22-year work in progress

Today is a special day.  Today Dave and I celebrate 22 years of marriage.  I just wanted to take a minute to let you know about my husband, who is the silent partner of this blog.

Back in 1995 when Tony was first diagnosed, one of the professionals working on Tony’s program told us that most marriages with a special needs child, will end in divorce.  It’s usually too stressful, financially devastating, and most of the time the couple will disagree on discipline strategies or therapies. 

Geez… thanks for the head’s up.  Any other good news?

I remember having this conversation with Dave shortly after hearing that Tony was diagnosed with PDD-NOS:  Pervasive Developmental Delay-Not Otherwise Specified.  (which, by the way, I could not accept as “autism” — another story at another time) Dave was the one with the level head and the one to go to the library and research the subject.  I, however, cried for weeks.  In fact, if my memory serves me right, I even threw a book at him that he brought home for me to read called “PDD-NOS and the Autism Spectrum”, screaming “OUR SON IS NOT AUTISTIC!  HE IS NOT RAINMAN!”

Dave is the one who listens to me day in and day out with my ideas, plans, therapies, research, and frustrations.  Dave is the one who encourages me to write.  Dave is the one who sees me at my lowest points, yet still manages to get me to laugh. 

Although these years will go down silently in our own family’s history books, what I want the world to know is that I could not have gotten through it without Dave.  We make a fantastic team.  Maybe that’s why we were destined to meet all those years ago — at a bar named Champps.  It still amazes me how God could send me someone so perfect for this job.

Has it been easy?  Of course not.  No marriage is.  Do we agree on everything we do for Tony?  Not for a minute.  Do we try to hear each other’s opinions?  Most times.  Do we have a long road ahead of us?  Absolutely. 

I think what has gotten us through these 22 years is that we surround ourselves with loving family members and close friends.  We have THE best support system a couple could ever ask for.   For that, we are eternally thankful. 

We had no idea what was in store for us, no one ever does.  But nonetheless… I’m still praying for more of the same.    


Happy Anniversary honey,



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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. wow! you said it all… we are so proud of both of you as we do know it is not easy…. love you!

  2. You know, I almost did not comment on this post, it seemed such a personal story that I should not intrude into – but what the heck! I too feel blessed to still be married to the most wonderful man, and it is right to celebrate managing to stay married with special children in the mix. I wish you all the best for the years to come.

    Ellen P

  3. Great story Becki. Congratulations to you and Dave and best wishes for many more!

  4. Becki – I am so happy for the life and wonderful family that you two have built. I have never met your husband Dave but knowing that he married you he must be one smart guy. I cherish my childhood memories of you and your family. Wishing you all the best life has to offer and God’s blessings on your family. Debbie

  5. This is the sweetest letter I have ever read. Congratulations you two–you both are truly amazing.

  6. To my dear friend Becki,
    Once again I have tears running down my face. What a wonderful and touching post. I know you and Dave have had many challenges and I have always admired what a great couple and wonderful parents you are. We are so happy to call you friends. Congratulations on 22 awesome years and blessings as your “work in progress” continues. Happy Anniversary~Love you! Lisa

  7. Congrats you two–how lucky you are to have each other. Thanks for hanging in there on the bad days so that you could enjoy the good ones. Ger and and I had only 20 years, so 22 is a GREAT gift. Enjoy and continue to work hard and God’s blessings always.


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